Traditions

We planned our wedding to be a mostly fun, briefly reverent evening. We planned to enjoy those traditions which we think are cool and relevant, and ignored the rest. Some were ancient; some were stolen from the weddings of our friends. And I think we pulled most of it off rather well.

Here is what we intended going into such a big event. For those of you who attended, now you know what the hell we were thinking. For those of you who couldn't make it, well, you missed a great time.

The Ceremony

There will be a ceremony where we publicly announce our intentions. This will be the briefly reverent bit. The rest of the event promises to be lively enough that it seems appropriate to follow the tradition of separating the official declaration of marriage from the rest. As I have thought about this seriously for almost a year now, I have realized just how many elements from the (brace yourself) Judeo-Christian tradition have stuck in my head and become things that I want. I will wear a big white dress, follow a flower girl down the aisle, and walk on my father's arm. And David likes the idea of crushing a wineglass under his foot, but I think that stems more from his boyish instincts than from Jewish ones. I have always thought it a fine theatrical element to bring the crowd into the whooping it up part of the evening. Much of the traditional wedding ceremony has seemed to me ugly and patriarchal at one point or another. He should have to come to me damn it. But if I am not an objectified lamb being handed off by one owner to another then I like the idea of taking some of the symbols that may imply that to someone else and using them to my own end. The plan is to include those elements about which I have always fantasized and reclaim the event as uniquely ours through the words we choose. And we will keep it short, I promise.

The Feast

Every great event should be commemorated with a feast. And since David and I are particularly passionate about food and wine, we want to bring our family and friends together this way. The meal will be served family style with platters of each dish brought to the tables. We stole this idea from the wedding of Eric Lyon and Polly Trout. At their feast, it served to encourage a great spirit of conviviality, and I hope it will do the same for us.

There is a fine and ancient tradition of great feasts being accompanied by speechmaking. In that spirit we encourage toasting. Eric and Polly's feast also included a great round of toasting which was their ceremony. We encourage toasting, though toasts made at our wedding will not be legally binding. The desire for toasts is not purely an exercise in vanity. I just like the combination of drinking and speeches. It makes me feel like I am in the company of philosophers. You don't have to toast the happy couple, toast that thing which the day begs you to ponder. Toast your love, toast your own unmarried bliss, toast toast.